Here
are some funny and wise quotes of the year which would make you laugh out your
ribs and think about life. Here they are:
1.
Attention guys, if you have any girlfriend
fooling you around, forget her…… The black American girls will arrive next week
(thanks to Trump).
2.
Your age doesn’t define your maturity, your
grades don’t define your intellect, and your rumors don’t define who you are.
3.
Everything happens when it needs to happen, but
don’t wait for extraordinary opportunities. Seize common occasions and make
them great.
4.
Supposing I am ready to say YES to whatever you
ask, what will you ask me for?
5.
That ugly moment when your girlfriend throws you
on the bed, trying to be sexy, but you hit your head on the bedstead and die,
HELL FIRE straight.
6.
That awkward moment when you are laughing with
your crush, then a heavy catarrh jump out of your nose, FATHER LORD TAKE MY
SOUL.
7.
I was sitting for USE OF ENGLISH at a JAMB EXAM,
I shaded the ones I knew, waiting for manna from Heaven. Then I decided to copy
a beautiful girl sitting beside me through the help of my long neck. I was in
number 21, while she was in number 65, time was running out. I quickly thanked
God and started shading along with her. We got to number 98 together, suddenly
she looked up, caught me and shouted in a low tone; “What are it? Why is you
dey copying me? Copys! Copys! You is not shaming! As big as you dey! You is a
dull boys! You are a disgrace to your manhood.” I shouted heeey! heeeyyy!!! Who
get eraser eeehhh?!!!
8.
The same boiling water that hardens the egg,
will soften the potato! It depends upon individual’s reaction to stressful
circumstances!!!
9.
A guy posted on Instagram “All ladies are
recharge card; use and throw”… And I replied on the comment “Which network is
your MOM?”… And he blocked me….did I say anything wrong?
10.
God help Naija*** because someone don’t have #50
naira for transport fare, he trekked and trekked under the hot sun until his
shadow left him and entered bike.
11.
Eat BREAKFAST like a KING, LUNCH like a PRINCE
and DINNER like a BEGGAR would help you live longer.
12.
After surviving a serious accident, an Igbo man
woke up in the hospital after being coma for good five days and saw his wife
and his kids, the first question he asked was… WHO DEY SHOP?
13.
In a family where the husband earns #150,000
every month, and the wife earns #1millionevery month and they both work in the
same company, and the kids are lacking parental care and love, who among them
should resign to take care of the kids?
14.
I laugh seriously when I hear people say Bill Gate and Mark Zuckerberg dropped out from school and still made it very big
in life… My bro and sis… shine your eye.. They dropped out of Harvard
University and not UNILAG.. A Harvard University drop out is equal to a PhD
degree holder in UNILAG. Better face your studies!!
15.
Kofi: - do you trust girls at all? Kojo: - I
stop trusting girls ever since one girl told me that her father has an ANDROID CAR.
16.
Heeeeeeey! My younger brother will not kill me
ohhhh. I just asked him the opposite of BAD
and he told me BADDEST.
17.
You are dating other people’s sisters yet you
don’t want to see any guy with your sister, calculate the Percentage Error in your thinking capacity.
18.
You are a girl and you have dated 20 guys with
hard labor, use the law of diminishing
return to calculate the substance that will be left for your husband to
enjoy?
19.
You can’t give your wife #200 for a pot of soup,
but you spend over #500 in bars and restaurant, calculate the radius of your stupidity, take pie=3.142.
20.
The hardest job you can ever do in life is to
work on yourself to be better than you are yesterday.
21.
WE NEED YOUR RATING!!! Babaginda……..C6, Abacha……..D7, Abdulsalami………C4, Obasanjo……….C4, Yar’adua…….B2, Goodluck Jonathan………C5, Buhari…..
Is What???
22.
Wickedness is when you put 10 male and female
Kenyans in front of kids and ask them to sing, “ all things bright and
beautiful”#kenyavsnigeria.
23.
The fact that I’m here doesn’t mean I can’t get
there, the only difference “here” and “there” is T which stands for TIME.
24.
After buying iPhone 7 for 400k and Bae smashes
it because she saw your chat with another girl on WhatsApp… Before I’ll start
anything I’ll order wheelchair from Jumia first.
25.
The funniest Christian song is “Yayi yayi Yesu
yayi” and after the 1st line, everybody starts to speak in tongues,
Is it a lie?
26.
#1000 Ways to Die in Nigeria, No 736, When your
mother calls you Oponu, reply her with Iya Oponu then you will know that the
lord giveth and taketh.
27.
Instead of spending about 500,000 naira on
Iphone7…. You can buy 22bags of rice and send it to your village… They will
release your destiny.
28.
I pray you all will marry the last person you
kissed recently. Do I get an “Amen” or “God forbid”?
29.
If she can cut more than 5 onions without her
shedding tears or her eyes turning red & watery, brotherly, stay away, she won’t even cry a your
burial.
30.
Father buys a lie detector that makes a loud
beep whenever somebody lies around it. The son comes home in the Afternoon.
Father asks him, “So you were at school today, right”? Son: “Yeah”. Detector:
“Beep”. Son: “OK, OK, I was in a cinema”. Detector: “Beep”. Son: “Alright, I
went for a beer with my friends”. Father: “What?! At your age, I wouldn’t touch
alcohol”! Detector: “Beep”. Mother laughs: “Ha ha ha, well he really is your
son”! Detector: “Beep”
31.
Little Johnny asks his teacher, “Mrs. Roberts,
can I be punished for something I haven’t done?” Mrs. Roberts is shocked, “Of
course not, Johnny, that will be unfair!”. Little Johnny is relieved, “OK Mrs.
Roberts, sorry, I haven’t done my homework.”
32.
Hundred ways to die in Nigeria, The moment when your trouser zip pin your
dick.
33.
People will hate you, rate you, and break you.
But how strong you stand is what makes you.
34.
I just asked her how school? And she said she
has graduated. Then I asked her “have you done your NYSC?” She replied:
Seriously, I didn’t do that course, because it is purely calculations. #I FELT
LIKE CRYING.
35.
That awkward moment after washing, cleaning and
cooking for your boyfriend & he says, “THE PERSON THAT WILL MARRY YOU WILL
BE LUCKY”… My sister Please Hit Him with a Frying Pan 4 Manual Reset…..
For more interesting facts of life, visit us @ https://dellwap.blogspot.com.ng/
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